She was high on intellectualism

The last thing I wanted to do with this blog was to use it to establish some sort of intellectual forum in a "selfless" attempt to educate the masses. Let's be honest, the most exciting thing about a blog dedicated to intellectual debate is its ability to trigger sleep. Ok ok, so many would consider it a waste and a sin for me not to share my insight of the world and its many complexities. But just because I am so darn clever doesn't mean I expect everybody else to be.

Then again, in a country tainted by an unbelievable amount of idiocy, I do feel a hint of guilt at the thought of keeping my mouth shut when I have so much wisdom to impart. With regards to geography and culture at the very least, I do feel it my duty to try and take the moral high ground.

So, I present to you Nitaki's Introduction to Zanzibar 101. First, we must take a look at the bigger picture.

The Bigger Picture

The country of Tanzania is situated on the east coast of Africa. Tanzania comprises mainland Tanganyika and the Zanzibar islands, ia (meaning one) referring to the unity established between the two. Clever, eh? Zanzibar consists of two main islands. The larger of the two, Unguja or Zanzibar Island (map below), is the location of Zanzibar city, the older part of which is referred to as Stone Town. The smaller Pemba island to the north is - random fact - an important producer of cloves.

Confused yet?

Now, let's crunch some numbers.

1: number of official languages (Swahili).

2: the number of main islands that Zanzibar consists of (Unguja and Pemba).

3: number of other unofficial languages commonly spoken on the island (English, Italian, Arabic).

3.5: duration (hours) of the flight from Johannesburg to Zanzibar city.

6: distance (degrees) that Zanzibar is situated South of the Equator.

7-9: hours of sunshine enjoyed daily throughout the year .

35: distance (kilometers) that Zanzibar is situated off the coast of mainland Tanzania.

39: maximum average temperature (degrees Centigrade) measured during February.

45: duration (minutes) of the shortest war on the island (and in world history).

85: length (kilometre) of Unguja island. Also the number of buildings in Stone Town that have collapsed between 1982 and 1992 due to lack of maintenance.

95: percentage of population belonging to the Muslim faith.

165: average annual rainfall (cm).

1158: number of Tanzanian shillings we were able to buy for 1$.

1464: size of Unguja island (square kilometres).

1963: year Zanzibar gained independence from British rule.

1998: year that Zanzibar's first traffic light was put in use.

2300: number of Colobus monkeys found in and around Jozani forest.

(66.5: average length (cm) of a male Colobus monkey's tail~!)

800 000: the approximate population of Zanzibar.

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Okay, in the interest of stimulating different parts of the brain, let's exercise the temporal lobe by looking at a Swahili word jumble of sorts.

Kilimanjaro: The highest mountain on the African continent, situated to the north-east of Tanganyika. But more importantly, the name of the delectable local beer available everywhere in those convenient 500ml bottles.

Jambo: Hello. Useful to greet the barman before ordering a Kili.

Mambo: Howzit. Most likely what you'll revert to after your second Kili.

Ahsante: Thank you. Showing grattitude for Kilis.

Ahsante sana: Thank you very much. What you'll exclaim when you're served a Kili after a long walk in the tropical heat.

Konyagi: A local spirits, usually drank with tonic water. Good alternative to the Kili if you're watching your figure.

Chiapatti: a yummy tortilla-like flatbread. Goes great with Konyagi or Kili.

Polle polle: slowly slowly (like a tortoise). What you're brain function will be like after you've enjoyed too many Kilis.

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Okay, turning it up a notch...

Jina lako ni nani? What is your name?

Jina langu ni [...]: My name is [probably something Italian like Nino or Gino].

Dala-dala: a cute open mini-bus and the most popular form of public transport on Zanzibar. A useful getaway car in a sticky situation.

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Or perhaps a bit of entertaining Swahilian English spelling I picked up from a menu:

Not in da mood for anada Kili? How about a vargan Cosmopolitan or maybea Daqure? Maybea chooter? Or are yaa tee-totlar and prefer a milk sheak?

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The essence of any language lies in its idiomatic expressions. My personal favourite being...

Usililie bahati: don't cry for the inner problem. What your bartender will tell you when you start spilling your personal beans after a night of Kilis and Konyagi.

Alrighty folks. I can sense that the level of intellectualism has risen substantially since my first sentence so I'll leave it at that. If you didn't follow any of the above, then find comfort in the fact that there is more to life than an abundance of brain cells. You don't have to be clever to enjoy a swim in the ocean or a nap in the sun. Be thankful for being too polle polle to comprehend all the bahatis of the world. It means you have less reason for usililie-ing.
And that, my dear friends, is what I call a blessing in disguise.